Let’s get this out of the way: Poseidon isn’t trying to be profound. It’s not interested in layered character arcs, grand metaphors about man vs. nature, or the emotional fallout of disaster. This is not Titanic. It’s not even trying to be The Perfect Storm. What Poseidon is, though, is lean, fast, and undeniably entertaining—a perfectly calibrated 98-minute sugar rush of fire, water, and pure survival spectacle. Like a fun-sized candy bar, it might not nourish, but it delivers exactly what it promises. Sometimes, that’s enough. From the moment the camera glides around the Poseidon’s sparkling hull in a sweeping digital shot, it’s clear the film wants to impress. The setup is minimal: it’s New Year’s Eve on a luxury cruise liner in the middle of the Atlantic. The guests are dancing, drinking, and toasting under chandeliers and disco lights. Then—bam!—a rogue wave slams into the ship, flips it upside down, and plunges everything into chaos. There’s no slow burn. No hour-long tease. The ...